GUEST CONTRIBUTOR

Our second guest contributor is Kate Lance.  Kate is a member of our book club, more importantly she is a published author and you can see her books here. When I asked some of the people I know who love to put pen to paper (or should that be hands to the keyboard) to send me some material as a guest contributor, Kate provided the following, I think with tongue in cheek:

First there was a link to the website of Jonathan Franzens about tips for writers, which you can see here and then the list of tips from one of Jonathan's followers (this is the tongue in cheek bit).  Kate writes.....

So there were various cruel responses, but the list that made me laugh was this, especially no. 10 - and let me apologise in advance for the absurdity:

  1. Don't use nouns in your writing. Nouns are bad to use. Replace them with
     adjectives.

  2. LOOK! AT!! TURTLES!!! every day, this is crucial.

  3. If you aren't talking to your agent on a rotary telephone, they WILL NOT
     represent you.

  4. No shoe should ever touch your foot without a barrier. Socks and crocs are
     the professional writers' way.

  5. There's no such thing as a novel. No one has ever seen one in real life.
     That word doesn't even make sense. Get out of my house.

  6. Sit in a chair sometimes, unless the chair can read, in which case, skip a
     turn.

  7. GAZE INTO THE ABYSS FOR THE ABYSS HUNGERS AND ONLY YOUR EYES WILL MEET ITS TERRIBLE APPETITES.

  8. Sign your books "Tomjamin Franzia" to let readers know you're serious.

  9. MONEY is for SHOW PONIES and CABINET-MAKERS, okay, you better be doing this  writing for the sheer suffering of the revision process.

  10. Use vowels sparingly, for they come at a price, and there will be a reckoning. Oh yes, a terrible reckoning is nigh.



I thought No. 2 was the point that made my day...it would be great to say to someone, "sorry I can't talk now...I'm off to look at turtles!!"

Thanks Kate for your contribution.❤